Golden Fruit

Shortly after arriving in Auckland I discovered that bananas are abundant and cheap here, evidently New Zealand has no problem importing them from South America. Such a lovely sweet yellow fruit, I have sorely missed them since Cyclone Larry blasted our banana crops. To think they have been here all this time, a mere three hour flight over the pacific.

I went to the zoo today and encountered a number of animals I had never seen before, including the wanker monkey (pictures removed for the children). This fellow was happily twiddling his tiny pink penis for the crowd, as well as letting his pals finger his arsehole, before he turned his back to us and jerked off into the bushes.

I wondered whether he considered this to be all just part of his show. Kind of like the simian GG Allin. He had been watching his pals doing standard monkey stuff for the crowd, and thought “fuck this, let’s give these cunts a show they won’t forget”. Or maybe he is just an old jaded monkey, sitting there on his log playing with his dick thinking to himself “Ohh well, another day another banana”. Stupid bloody monkey doesn’t know how good he has it. I have been craving bananas so much since the Cyclone; I would have happily masturbated in public for them.

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  1. I read an article some time ago – can’t remember where (edge.org perhaps? ) – so I’ll paraphrase.

    Everyone says they love the monkeys at the zoo. People say stuff like ‘They’re so cute. I could watch them for hours!’ But if you stand by the monkey enclosure and observe the visitors, people hang around for a couple of minutes at most then move on.

    The reason people don’t stick around the monkey cage (the argument went) is that monkeys aren’t cute, they’re just unrestrained. They’re us without any kind of social veneer. They just express all their animal desires in actions instantly, selfishly and without any kind of self control at all. They lack some kind of module for self-regulation that we have. They wank, they piss, they screech and hoot, fight, and generally behave like, well, monkeys.
    So people think they like monkeys more than they actually do.

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