Sex Bots are Coming

Are you someone who would buy a ‘pleasure bot’, or not ?

I ask it that way because ‘sex bot’ is probably not how they will be eventually marketed, euphemisms are the key to making adult products mainstream, just think of all the vibrators that have been sold as personal massagers.

No, ‘sex bots’ do not exist yet, so don’t go rushing down to Walmart with your credit card. In spite of Jude Law’s fantastic portrayal of one in AI, they are still just a hypothetical product category, about which we can only philosophize.

We can be sure that a great deal of that philosophizing will be from people who believe they should never be created. Undoubtedly they will ruin our society for one of a handful of reasons, mostly related to moral codes created by people who believed they had a personal relationship with a manifestation of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. However, as anyone who watches technology closely knows, if there is an adult/erotic/porn application for a technology, then it will be used that way. I will gladly go on the record right now (in defiance of the Black Swan guy) and make a bold prediction: sex bots are coming (no pun intended) and they are going to disrupt our society like nothing you have ever seen before.

Why am i so confident? Well the precedents are all in place, let me list them.

1) I know many women whose sex lives are already completely dependent on their vibrators (not my girlfriend of course).

2) As a society the single person is the fastest growing demographic category, and apartment design is beginning to reflect that fact.

3) Shame about masturbation is rapidly diminishing ( just spend a hour on twitter to convince yourself )

Finally, you need to know that engineers love robots. They want to build them for us, their employers just haven’t found the right market. There are robots that sweep floors, pretend to be our pets, or watch patiently over the elderly while we waste our evenings playing Farmville. These were all cute ideas, but what the women of the world really want is a life size replica of Brad Pitt (or Owen Wilson ), that can pound them until they press the stop button, and then lay in bed stroking their hair and reading them their text messages.

The only reason this product don’t exist yet is because fat white male corporate executives are scared shitless that it will demonstrate just how sexually incompetent they are. But as we all learned from Napster, you can not hold off innovation for ever. The sooner we get around to giving women what they want, the sooner we can avoid having to endure yet another ‘Sex in the City‘ movie. The downside guys, is that we will never see women again, they will spend their entire lives shopping on the Internet, in between sex romps with their small entourage of Hollywood look-a-likes.

Now here is where my predictions start to get weird. The only people left on the streets will be men. Hordes of lost, purposeless men, because psychology has shown us that men do everything for the attention of women. Deprived of that attention, Mankind will wander aimlessly. Until, inevitably, men begin to fill that void in their lives by turning gay, because as we haven’t found the gay gene, being gay must be a choice. So, as a result of these machines our society will become segregated, with all of the women becoming reclusive nymphomaniacs addicted to their plastic fuck buddies, while all the men become ultra-buff fags, fucking each other in the streets with reckless abandon.

My money is on Google producing the first pleasure bot, although given the havoc that these devices are about to wreak upon our society I think Apple would be a more appropriate brand to get the whole market going.

    • David Human
    • July 12th, 2011

    Why not sex bots for men too? In fact I think there’s a bigger market there than for women.

    By the way, it’s been noted before that vibrators for women are cool, but the equivalent technology for men (which I’ve never used btw) is considered disgusting and shameful.

    By the way, congratulations on writing a post that will attract a shitload of spam.

    • I think the second statement answers the first question. Male sex toys are still considered kind of disgusting and shameful. Unless attitudes change rapidly then my prediction is that women will be the first to start buying large numbers of sex bots. When the women have all disappeared men will have no choice but to start using sex bots,……….. or turn gay, ………… or both.

    • Joan
    • July 12th, 2011

    I hope and believe that vibrators are used for women as sex assistants after unsatisfied sex relationships with their partner. It is true that the market can only increase with “new technologies”.

    Women can always have sporadic relationships as long as they want and are relatively young. So I believe the vibrators market should be for middle-age/ old women. Hopefully, I’m right 🙂

    How come you know many women whose sex lives are completely dependent on their vibrators?

    • Well, perhaps you are right. There might be still be a slight tendency for young girls to have with sex with real men, in their ‘experimental years’. But in the end we can’t compete with Brad Pitt.

      On that other issue,… well…….l I know a lot of single ladies, and all the single ladies have needs.

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