What Jesus Says

I was traveling on the train between Cronulla and Central today, and I had an experience that gave me reasons to rethink my attitude toward religion. The train carriage was empty except for a man and a woman sitting opposite each other. He was a large Greek guy with a weathered face and an ear that had been shredded in some long forgotten bar brawl. She was a delicate young girl with long black hair and a soft voice.

He was engaged in a monologue about his amateur theater group and his approaching audition for Underbelly. She was punctuating his rambling story by making positive noises of agreement.

He paused for a moment, then changed topic.

“Thanks for talking to me hey. This guy in the group was really pissing me off. I wanted to fucking hit im ay. Naah, I don’t do that anymore, he is not fucking worth it ay.”

His companion agreed. I suspect she had not met the individual in question, and was not really in a position to evaluate his value. Her talkative companion changed the topic.

“You should come and join our theater group. We could use a beautiful young girl like you. Where are your folks from?”


“Italian hey. That’s great. We would have heaps of roles for a beautiful young Italian girl. Have you heard of Knockabouts?”

“yeah maybe”

“Yeah, that’s us. It’s a great thing. I’m going to be an actor. Well, maybe just an extra, but I’ll give it a go. You gotta try ay?”

Their conversation continued on in a similar vein until she left the train. As she stepped out of the carriage one of his phones rang. He cycled through the three handsets that sat in his jewel encrusted fists until he found the ringing device.

He had a prolonged conversation with another of his colleagues, during which he revealed that he had just recruited a gorgeous young Italian girl for the theater group. When his phone call ended he turned his attention to me. “You a muso mate?” he asked, gesticulating toward my guitar. I replied that I just played for my own amusement. He nodded. “I’m an actor ay.” he shrugged his shoulders. “Well I’m gonna be one, when I get into underbelly.”

He proceeded to converse with me on a wide variety of topics, principally about his life as a gangster on the cross. Many of the details of this conversation I would rather not reveal for fear that I wind up sleeping at the bottom of the harbor. The gist of it was that he had spent a good deal of time in gaol, and before that a good deal of time hurting people.

At some point in the conversation he paused to breath. Then he thanked me for talking with him, as he had done with the young Italian girl. He detailed the way his acting colleague had been a constant annoyance for him the previous day.

“In the old days I would have just held him down a fuckin poaaaaaa.” He pushed one hand toward the ground while with his other he formed a pistol with his fingers. His fat stocky finger pistol recoiled as he put a bullet into his imaginary acting colleague.

“Not these days ay. Since I brought Jesus into my life I don’t do that.” He looked at me intensely.

“Jesus says you just can’t go around killin cunts ay?”

“No you can’t,” I agreed.


Stuttgart Graffiti

Sex Bots are Coming

Are you someone who would buy a ‘pleasure bot’, or not ?

I ask it that way because ‘sex bot’ is probably not how they will be eventually marketed, euphemisms are the key to making adult products mainstream, just think of all the vibrators that have been sold as personal massagers.

No, ‘sex bots’ do not exist yet, so don’t go rushing down to Walmart with your credit card. In spite of Jude Law’s fantastic portrayal of one in AI, they are still just a hypothetical product category, about which we can only philosophize.

We can be sure that a great deal of that philosophizing will be from people who believe they should never be created. Undoubtedly they will ruin our society for one of a handful of reasons, mostly related to moral codes created by people who believed they had a personal relationship with a manifestation of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. However, as anyone who watches technology closely knows, if there is an adult/erotic/porn application for a technology, then it will be used that way. I will gladly go on the record right now (in defiance of the Black Swan guy) and make a bold prediction: sex bots are coming (no pun intended) and they are going to disrupt our society like nothing you have ever seen before.

Why am i so confident? Well the precedents are all in place, let me list them.

1) I know many women whose sex lives are already completely dependent on their vibrators (not my girlfriend of course).

2) As a society the single person is the fastest growing demographic category, and apartment design is beginning to reflect that fact.

3) Shame about masturbation is rapidly diminishing ( just spend a hour on twitter to convince yourself )

Finally, you need to know that engineers love robots. They want to build them for us, their employers just haven’t found the right market. There are robots that sweep floors, pretend to be our pets, or watch patiently over the elderly while we waste our evenings playing Farmville. These were all cute ideas, but what the women of the world really want is a life size replica of Brad Pitt (or Owen Wilson ), that can pound them until they press the stop button, and then lay in bed stroking their hair and reading them their text messages.

The only reason this product don’t exist yet is because fat white male corporate executives are scared shitless that it will demonstrate just how sexually incompetent they are. But as we all learned from Napster, you can not hold off innovation for ever. The sooner we get around to giving women what they want, the sooner we can avoid having to endure yet another ‘Sex in the City‘ movie. The downside guys, is that we will never see women again, they will spend their entire lives shopping on the Internet, in between sex romps with their small entourage of Hollywood look-a-likes.

Now here is where my predictions start to get weird. The only people left on the streets will be men. Hordes of lost, purposeless men, because psychology has shown us that men do everything for the attention of women. Deprived of that attention, Mankind will wander aimlessly. Until, inevitably, men begin to fill that void in their lives by turning gay, because as we haven’t found the gay gene, being gay must be a choice. So, as a result of these machines our society will become segregated, with all of the women becoming reclusive nymphomaniacs addicted to their plastic fuck buddies, while all the men become ultra-buff fags, fucking each other in the streets with reckless abandon.

My money is on Google producing the first pleasure bot, although given the havoc that these devices are about to wreak upon our society I think Apple would be a more appropriate brand to get the whole market going.

God 1 : Atheists 0

I have just read an incredible post that provides the most incredible proof of the existence of God and the power of prayer.

What are the odds that a bomb disposal technician would one day have a bomb detonate and injure him. But that the bomb (an improvised explosive – manufactured in a impoverished country) would fail to function properly, so that he requires only minor surgery. Not only that, but that this technician’s family, coming from a society that regularly prays for people, would have only just that previous week been asking people to pray that he comes home safely. You simply could not calculate improbability of such an event, we do not have statistical models or computers that could handle the number of decimal places.

Take that atheists !

Gene Pool

Bathroom Gender Differentiation in Suite 212, Stuttgart, Germany

Those darn kids

I am sitting in a Youth Hostel in Frankfurt listening to a strange old Australian dude with a porn star mustache talking someone’s ear off. This is a crude attempt at a transcript of his monologue.

“…look at them all with their heads in the computer, people spend too much time on the Internet, I reckon one day when a baby is born we will, you know, stick something in their neck, attach them straight into a computer like on the matrix, you know,………….. who wants that. And then genetic engineering, that scares me. I was in the center of Berlin the other day and there were hundreds of kids, I dunno, about sixteen years old, they were walking past me; and they were all the same, all perfect, like somebody was making them in a factory.”

Cats and Dogs

I was a little disappointed with the absence of dog and cat on the menu while I was in china. I did eat a donkey sandwich though, it tasted nothing like chicken.

After making some inquiries I discovered that these things are very regional. In different parts of the country I might have seen dog or cat on the menu. You might be squirming in your seat right now or assuming that I am joking, which means unless you are a vegetarian I consider you to be a bigoted, western centric hypocrite. The ethical value of killing and eating animals, however moral it is, or isn’t, is not decided by which animals we choose to kill. Aside from Peter Singer’s attempts to weigh the moral costs of eating different kinds of creatures (which the rest of the world seems to be ignoring), there is no reasonable way in which one animal’s life can be weighed against another. Killing something conscious is just plain killing, regardless of whether it is fluffy, feathered or scaly. There is no absolute hierarchy in which some animals deserve to be farmed and others not, only ones we invented for our own convenience. If you are prepared to kill things to eat them, do not pretend that you have a morally superior position to someone who chooses to eat dogs.

I myself can’t decide which I would prefer to eat: dogs or cats. If I stopped to consider the number of dogs that have bitten me over the years, then I should think that they owe me a few sandwiches. In no particular order I have bitten been by : a German shepard, several kelpies, a cattle dog, a doberman, a saint Bernard, a corgi, and more mongrels than I can remember. Yet I still find myself aligned with dogs in the great cats versus dogs dichotomy, hence I think I would prefer to eat a cat. Sadly, I will have to wait until my next trip to try a cat stir fry.